If, when one door shuts, another door opens, there’s something wrong with your doors. They shouldn’t be doing that.

Where’s the box to tick if you ARE a robot?

My mother used to say Manners Maketh the Man, but I didn’t think it was very mannerly of her to make fun of my lisp.

Plato, Aristotle, Montaigne. Men who have searched for meaning with, let’s face it, mixed results. Whither the one who can solve it? Cometh the hour, cometh the Ayoade. He brings wisdom distilled from a life lived in relentless pursuit of Truth.

Afterthoughts goes beyond rumination, past pondering, probing further than ever before, drawing from a deeply private pool of questions: a reservoir so refreshing you may never need to think again.

So, what better way to start the festive party than with these hilarious greatest hits of Christmas, a gift book which Santa Claus himself approved, claiming it was “Twice the amount of Christmas fun as Michael Bublé’s baubles,” in his December newsletter.

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claus-trophobia!

What do the Elves call Santa if he forgets to wear his undercrackers?
St Nickerless

Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital?
Because he has private elf care!

The Christmas Cracker was invented by Tom Smith, a London-based confectioner and baker, in 1840. Smith initially called them “Bangs of Expectation” before changing the name. At first, love poems were found inside, though they were replaced by hats and jokes in the 1920s.

Join Dennis, Gnasher and friends to fill your year with fun and laughter. Each day has a new hilarious prank, silly dare, funny joke, ridiculous would you rather, and much more, so that no matter how boring your day has been, you can always find a giggle within these pages!

The perfect gift for any time of the year!

‘Frank Paul is an extremely impressive chap and a dazzling quizzer’ Victoria Coren Mitchell, presenter of  Only Connect

Since 2015, The Mill in Cambridge has hosted an unusually fiendish quiz from the mind of legendary quizmaster Frank Paul. Contestants could expect to be delighted and perplexed by wordsearch poems, jokes and rebuses, a bewildering encounter with the Sphinx and a confounding murder mystery.

With rounds including Motion Picture Mixture, Eight Degrees of Kevin Bacon, Gogglebox Jigsaw and Chemical Element Blind Date, this is the best of The Mill’s quiz night. Are you ready to have your mind bent, blown and boggled?

Give the gift of a laugh to your family comedian.

This ultimate collection of laughs is packed with awesome jokes suitable for all ages – a book everyone can enjoy together.

Featuring the cheesiest jokes imaginable:

• I’m scared of lifts. So I take steps to avoid them.
• Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how to feel about that.
• I went to a still-life exhibition. It was quite good, but not moving.
• I used to run a dating service for chickens but I was struggling to make hens meet.
• I hate Russian dolls. They are so full of themselves.

… and hundreds more…

‘Geoff is one of the funniest intelligent thinkers in comedy and this book reflects that perfectly’ – Romesh Ranganathan

‘Geoff’s examination of blokeness is Geoff all over – funny and insightful, making serious points without committing the cardinal sin of taking itself too seriously. Top bloke.’ – Adrian Chiles

‘Highly informative. Geoff will make a proper bloke out of me yet.’ – Hugo Rifkind

‘A brilliant and hilarious book which defends blokes without denigrating women’ – Konstantin Kisin

If you see a man drinking a pint in an airport pub alone, that’s a bloke.
If you see a man driving to the tip on a Saturday morning with a smile on his face, that’s a bloke.
And if you see a man heading back from the tip and on the way to the pub, that’s a very happy bloke.

The British Bloke appears simple and straightforward. He loves football, cricket, beer, sheds, wearing socks and books about the SAS.

But beneath that simple exterior lies a mysterious and complex being.

In The British Bloke Decoded, writer, comedian and regular bloke, Geoff Norcott peels back the layers of blokedom, revealing the truth behind the sometimes inexplicable behaviour of Britain’s husbands, dads and brothers.

Based on 46 years of field research and almost scientific insights, Geoff digs deep into subjects as wide as: the value of Banter, the surprising roots of Mansplaining, the near impossibility of getting blokes to send birthday cards, and whether there could be a medal system for Hoovering.

And ultimately, he concludes that whilst the toxic men have been grabbing all the publicity – perhaps now’s the time to celebrate the simple British bloke in all his eccentric splendour.

Join Dennis, Gnasher and friends as they as they put their numskulls to the test and ponder all manner of weird and wacky would you rather questions.

Full of wild decisions and silly alternatives, this book will inspire hysterical conversations for all the family to enjoy.

‘Pie Face, would you rather?
? win ten thousand pounds but never eat a pie again?
? OR owe Dennis one thousand pounds but have ten thousand pies?’

I slipped over in the library this morning. It was the non-friction section.

Peter: What are you doing in that wardrobe?
Lucy: Narnia business

Joke books have a long publishing history dating back to the ‘Philogelos’ from ancient Greece and ‘Facetiae’ of the 15th century.

But while there are themed joke books on everything from cats to lawyers, there have surprisingly been few with a literary theme. The Book of Book Jokes includes a huge range of comic material concentrating exclusively on the themes of books, reading, libraries, bookshops, and the literary life.

As well as one-liners, puns, knock-knock jokes, and shaggy dog stories, it will feature sections including gravestones, book titles, jokes in acknowledgements/ copyright/index pages, literary hoaxes, literary snark, and authors’ in-jokes in novels, as well as sections such as Charles Dickens’s humorous fake book decorations. It will also feature the favorite jokes of well-known writers, and a selection of literary cartoons.